Dear Lovense,
I have a favor to ask. No, it’s not a complaint. Well, perhaps it is, though it’s not about your great products, absolutely excellent Lovense Remote App, or how you obviously care about providing your customers with the best sexual experiences you possibly can.
It’s as someone whose job it is to write about your sextoys; I really wish you’d slow down a bit. I mean, seriously, over the last few months, you’ve given us the Hush 2 anal vibrator, in two different sizes no less; the Calor pocket pussy; your own line of sized-to-fit condoms; and the Gush glans massager, to name just a few.
And now you’ve entered the heavier-duty side of sextech with your Sex Machine: a two-headed, Bluetooth enabled, Lovense Remote App compatible, thoroughly adjustable, and considerably powerful device for those hankering for a good, hard (ahem) “penetrative” sexual experience.
So, pretty please, with sugar on top, keep amazing toys like these coming; but maybe take it just a scooch slower so reviewers like myself can at least try to keep up with you.
Stay on the scene like a sex machine!
Just as you can’t go wrong with James Brown, when it comes to sex tech, Lovense never fails to sexually rock and roll, and their newly released Sex Machine is a remarkably serious example of their “sugar and spice” design philosophy.
Strapping a dildo to some sort of mechanical thrusting arrangement isn’t exactly new. In fact, a pedal-powered version might even be the earliest form of motorized pleasuring as it’d predate electrical vibrators by more than a few hundred years.
Though kinky-minded Victorian engineers were likely the first to try and implement the idea, easy access to voltage was what sex machines needed to go from a tinkerer’s fantasy to a practical and, therefore, sexually arousing reality.
Not that there weren’t more than a few bugs to work out, which are precisely what Lovense squashed with their own Sex Machine.
For instance, theirs is double-ended so two people can use it simultaneously; made all the easier by mounting the toy’s motor and electronics in a well-balanced central unit which is, in turn, supported by a set of adjustable supports.
This arrangement lets a solitary user, or a pair of them having fun together, effortlessly alter the machine’s angle of insertion. Though sharing the toy will likely require careful maneuvering as raising or lowering one end will lower the opposite.
But, after all, what is satisfying partner sex but a willingness to give and take? It’s just that with Lovense’s Sex Machine, it may require moving furniture around.
Smart where it matters
Lovense’s Sex Machine is operable using its hardwired controller or the Lovense Remote App. But whatever you prefer, it can be ramped up to an arousingly impressive 300 strokes per minute.
Normally, this would be where I’d recommend the app over the toy’s built-in controls, and while Lovense Remote provides far more options, which I’ll go over later, unlike some of their other products in how there’s a tendency for their teeny little buttons to feel even teenier in the heat of the moment.
Not to mention slick with lube and sexual juices, because the Sex Machine’s control box is large enough this shouldn’t be as much of a challenge.
Still, suppose you want to use the Sex Machine remotely, in conjunction with other Lovense toys, or with interactive adult videos or games. In that case, the app is always where it’s at.
Double your pleasure
Another great feature is Lovense integrating Vac-U-Lock technology into their Sex Machine. In a nutshell, it’s become close to a sex-tech industry standard for attaching dildos to harnesses and the like.
As its name suggests, Vac-U-Lock employs suction to prevent things from unexpectedly flying across the room. While this may sound like a somewhat tentative method of connecting a pair of whatevers together, there’s an excellent reason why Vac-U-Lock holds its “close to a sex-tech industry-standard” title: it works.
It also lets Sex Machine users swap either of its two provided dildos for something(s) more to their liking—as long as it’s built with a Vac-U-Lock system, of course.
An especially nice bonus since it’s exceedingly rare for people to be completely satisfied by a single dildo, especially with ones that come with elaborate devices like Lovense’s Sex Machine.
With Vac-U-Lock, though, you can try as many as you like until you find the right fit. Or, better yet, buy several, so you’re free to choose whichever one happens to suit your current sexual mood.
Sex Machine and the Lovense Remote App
Whether it’s the Android or iPhone, PC or Macintosh Computer, version, Lovense app, and their Sex Machine are great together. Oh, and I apologize for repeatedly forgetting to mention this also includes tablets as well as smartphones.
Once Bluetooth connected, the app can increase or decrease the Sex Machine’s strokes, though that’s merely the tip of its sextech iceberg.
One of my favorite features is how it allows you to put together your own pattern of strokes to playback whenever you wish, share them with others, or, if you’re curious, sample what other folks have done.
If you’re a music fan, the app can also be used to groove along with “Sex Machine” or any other tune that’ll “Get You Offa That Thing” or, through your computer or smartphone’s microphone, whatever sounds you like to make.
Not forgetting you can use the Lovense Remote App to set up two or more smart sextoys to share and share alike how they’re being used for short or long-distance interactive sexual activities—or let you feel what an adult performer is doing in one of their specially-coded videos.
Speaking of long-distance, the app’s chat feature is the perfect way to stay in touch while you’re both remotely, mutually touching via your Lovense smart sextoys.
Setting up your sex machine
No way, no how, could you call Lovense’s Sex Machine easily transportable. Not that it’s impossible, just that if you’re thinking of taking it with you, be prepared for (1) some heavy lifting and (2) curious looks from TSA agents.
It can be easily disassembled and comes with its own quite-durable storage bag to make it somewhat less challenging to move from one place to another.
As it’s a plug-and-play device, you don’t have to worry about charging it—only where the nearest socket is.
Here, as you have to deal with a separate power supply and its wire remote control, it could be a bit cumbersome. Though thankfully, the cords for both should be long enough, and if not … well, that’s what extension cords are for.
Lovense makes it clear you should set its control to OFF before powering it up to, and I’m guessing here, preventing it from unexpectedly going from zero to sixty.
How big is Lovense’s Sex Machine—and what comes with it?
When assembled, the Sex Machine’s body is 15.98 inches long and 5.71 wide or 17.72 by 17.79, counting its support legs. And its pair of dildos are 5.42 inches and 6.3, respectively.
In addition to the product, the dildos, the power supply, and a control box, the Sex Machine comes with a manual, Quick Start Guide, and assembly instructions.
Cleaning and maintaining Lovense’s Sex Machine
Before or after use, Lovense also strictly advises users to thoroughly but carefully clean their Sex Machine.
For the dildos, this means warm and never excessively hot water, a tiny amount of sextoy cleaner or antibacterial soap, and a good dry with a lint-free cloth.
You should always keep water from entering the base of the dildos as this can mess with the Vac-U-Lock system—and no one wants their plastic playthings coming loose in the middle of things.
For the rest of the Sex Machine, steer clear of water or any other cleaning liquid and instead just dust it off.
A rarity for Lovense products, they also recommend greasing its main mechanism every two to three months or if the Sex Machine begins to function less than smoothly.
To do this, start by unscrewing and then removing its central, motorized section. Next, apply lubricant—and no, I don’t mean of the sexual variety but rather machine oil or grease—to where it’s indicated.
Pros:
- Extra powerful stroking action
- Extremely adjustable
- Can be used by two people at once
- Lovense Remote App compatible
- Easily disassemblable and comes with a storage/transport bag
Cons:
- Hardly a discreet sextoy
- Could be too much to comfortably handle
- Only really suitable for those into penetration play
The verdict
Of course, I wasn’t sincerely asking for Lovense to slow down the number of products they’ve been releasing.
For one thing, everything they produce is exceptionally well made, frequently wildly different from what they’ve made previously, and by now, all of us are very aware that when it comes to sex tech, it’s never quantity over quality with Lovense.
That’s no less true for their Sex Machine, which is obviously their biggest, heaviest, and most powerful product to date.
My only question is, “Did they have to?” I mean, taking into account their other toys, absolutely the last thing I thought they’d ever produce would be a dyed-in-the-wool, honest-to-gosh sex machine.
Sure, they’re popular enough, though, due to their size—and a hefty price to match—they’re not something a company would expect to see flying off the shelves.
However, I’m glad Lovense jumped into the world of sex machines because if anyone could do it right, it’d be them—and I was far from disappointed by how they used their sex tech expertise, dedication to detail, and high standard of manufacturing to show the pleasure technology industry this is how you do it right!
