You simply cannot write or even talk about the often erotically heavy-duty subject of sex machines without referencing the one, the only James Brown.
But rock and roll legends aside, in the last few years, sex machines and more have become their own.
More than likely helped by a steady stream of groundbreaking advances in their design and manufacturing.
Not least of which is the recent merging of their arousingly thrusting motors with state-of-the-art Bluetooth connectivity.
For the first time since someone looked at a set of stroking pistons and fantasized about using them to pleasure another person, many next-generation sex machines are now as sextech smart as they are powerful.
But which is the most exceptionally well designed, superiorly built, and, when possible, the smartest of them all?
The answer to these and other questions we will be exploring in our breakdown of the best sex machines available today.
Or, as James Brown would have put it, here is where we stay on our scene of exploring all these very cool sex machines!
What are sex machines, and what makes them interesting?
By and large, the majority of today’s high-tech sex toys were conceived and created to be neither too little nor too much when it comes to sexually stimulating the people using them.
This is fine and good, and a very good reason why they remain so popular, but for those wanting a far more intense experience, even the most high-powered toys just cannot cut the mustard.
This sort of craving is far from new, evidenced by how many of the earliest known depictions of this sort of sexual technology can be traced all the way back to the Victorians one hundred and fifty years ago.
The advent of small, portable electric motors, not to mention household wiring, finally made all those kinky inventors’ mechanical wet dreams a reality.
But what is it about sex machines that makes them so exciting?
For some, it is their steady, rhythmic thrusts. Something even the heaviest of heavy-duty thrusting vibrators cannot match.
Though others may like getting off of feeling subservient that might be described as a ruthlessly determined mechanical lover.
Then there are also people for whom the erotic allure is being penetrated repeatedly without ever having to worry about tiring out their lover.
One of the most significant changes to rock the sex machine world is that a growing number are not just a dildo strapped to an electric motor.
Which used rarely, if ever, had more than one speed or stroke length.
With smart sex tech electronics, including equipping them with Bluetooth for all sorts of smartphone app-controlled possibilities, they can now be forceful as well as precisely fine-tuned.
Which is a perfect lead-in to our top pick, Lovense’s very own Sex Machine.
Not knocking how Lovense has seriously upped the ante regarding what sex machines are and can be; seeing their take on this classic pleasure device for the first time, you may have thought it was an April Fool’s joke.
Say what you want about this sex tech pioneer.
Still, they definitely do not joke around when it comes to designing and manufacturing many of today’s most advanced and customer-friendly sex toys.
Which their sex machine is, and then some, including how they gave it the very same interactive sextech brilliance found in all of their Bluetooth-enabled vibrators, massagers, and strokers.
When linked to the Lovense Remote smartphone app, this gives their sex machine the ability to connect with other Lovense toys and interactive adult videos and games.
Plus, users can make their own customized thrusting patterns, set it to respond to music or ambient noises, and lots of other fun features.
Though Lovense’s Sex Machine never sacrifices power for smarts.
Like how it sports a uniquely powerful motor that is fully capable of delivering an impressive 300 strokes per minute, which also comes to about five a second.
More than enough for even the most die-hard sex machine enthusiast.
Want someone else to join in on your fun? Lovense has you covered, as their sex machine can handle both of you with ease.
Compliments how its main thrusting bar is equipped with a matching pair of Vac-U-Lock attachment points. So each end can be fitted with any Vac-U-Lock fitted dildo.
The Lovense sex machine can also be tilted up or down as needed. A feature that is lacking in far too many similar sex machines.
To top all this off, it’s easy to disassemble and store in its storage bag, which in addition to medium and large Vac-U-Lock dildos, power cable, transformer, user manual, and quick start guide, is included.
The Lovense Sex Machine’s main body is seventeen and three-quarter inches long and five and three-quarter-wide.
Its support legs are seventeen and three-quarters across, and its medium dildo comes in at six inches from base to tip. The smaller one is slightly less than five and a half inches.
- As smart as it is powerful
- Works perfectly with the Lovense Remote app
- Double ended
- Comes with two differently sized dildos
- Breaks down for easy storage
- Requires periodic oiling
- More expensive than many other sex machines
2. Hismith APP Controlled Sex Machine
Another great example of what happens when sextech meets hard-core thrusting machinery is the Hismith APP Controlled Sex Machine.
Superficially resembling our first entry in how it can be tilted up or down and has a companion smartphone app for adjusting its speed and stroke length, the Hismith APP Controlled Sex Machine is different in comes with a 240 RPM motor and, for all its power, is quieter than most of its competition.
Another difference is it is a single-person device rather than having two attachment points at either end of its thrusting rod.
It also works with Kliclok Connector-equipped dildos and sex toys, a good number of which can be purchased on the Hismith website.
If stability is what you want in a sex machine, this, and most of Hismith’s other models, have solid and not tubular supports.
While this results in them being considerably heavier, you cannot argue with the fact that there is never any risk of them collapsing, no matter how hard it works or how long you use it.
As its title says, the Hismith APP Controlled Sex Machine uses a proprietary Apple or Android smartphone app.
With it, customers can fiddle with its stroke length and thrusting speed. It also fully supports long-distance teledildonic interactivity and a host of other smart sex tech goodies.
But it also comes with its very own wireless remote control, so it does not require a smartphone to adjust any of its actions.
The Hismith APP Controlled Sex Machine is just shy of nineteen inches long and eighteen tall, with its body making up three and a half inches of that height.
With an eight-inch dildo, it arrives with its wireless remote, power cable, storage bag, and instruction manual.
- Exceptionally powerful motor
- Not as loud as your typical sex machine
- Includes a wireless controller
- Supported by the Hismith smartphone app
- App not as easy to use as those from other sex tech companies
- Its exposed stroking arm could get tangled in clothes or bed sheets
- Heavier construction means greater weight
3. Tremor Rock and Roll Sex Toy
Proving sex machines do not always have to look like a dildo strapped to an outboard motor, the Tremor Rock and Roll Sex Toy is less about thrusting than it is about giving people equipped with a vagina the ride of their lives.
Not the Tremor cannot give its riders an enjoyably penetrative experience because in addition to its primarily clit-focused silicone pad, the part which is between its saddle containing its sturdy motor comes another, much more decidedly dildo-shaped one.
A key thing that sets this sex machine apart from most of the other ones on our list is how comfortable it is.
Designed to be less awkward to use and, therefore, easier to enjoy, the Tremor is similarly a piece of sexy cake to spontaneously as well as casually ride.
As in riding it like a pony, as all that is necessary to get off on all of its great, not just good vibrations, is to plug it in and sit down on it. Yes, it is just that easy.
So with it, there is no need to put it together, clear a big enough space so a rapidly thrusting arm will not accidentally knock over a lamp or something or spend an excessive amount of time getting your sex machine to where it will do the most good.
The Tremor Rock and Roll Sex Toy is made from ABS plastic and is ten inches tall, one foot high, and another foot wide.
It arrives with a penis-shaped and a clit-stimulating body-safe silicone optional attachments, its power cord, wire-connected remote control, two plastic stems, a spring to adjust its feel, a silicone mat designed to prevent it from slipping and sliding the floor, and an instruction manual.
While eight other attachments are currently available for it, the minds behind the Tremor Rock and Roll Sex Toy say they are hard at work developing a bunch more.
So stay tuned, and before you know it, they are bound to come up with something that can make an already pleasurable sex machine even more exciting to use.
- Easy to set up and use
- A different take on sex machine technology
- Choice of several different attachments, with more on the way
- Takes up much less storage space when not in use
- Not recommended for those into penetration play
- The remote control is wired, not wireless
- Not equipped with Bluetooth, does not support a smartphone app
4. Shockspot Sex Machine 8 inch
Now here is an interesting take on heavy-duty thrusting sex machinery.
Part of Shockspot’s line of finely-engineered pleasure devices, their 8-inch model, is a great, and much more affordable, introduction to what all of their other sex machines have to offer.
Most of which is that rather than being a saddle-type like the Tremor or standing and tilting as in Lovense’s Sex Machine or Hismith’s, the Shockspot Sex Machine 8 inch is instead a powerful motor fitted to the top section of a scissor mount.
This gives it the unique advantage of being fully adjustable without having to tilt its business end.
Why this is such a cool feature is more than likely pretty evident, like how you can have any of Shockspot’s various sex machines on the floor and extend them up so that they can do their fast stroking goodness with you or your partner lying comfortably on a bed.
All, as I said, without the person on the receiving end having to raise or lower or likewise uncomfortably cant their vagina or anus to get this sex machine’s dildo or other sex toy attachment in the right position.
But this is also one of the power sex machines on our list, with the eight-inch Shockspot dishing out nearly eighteen pounds of thrust and a ridiculously impressive twenty-three inches a second stroke rate.
It more than well deserves to be heralded as a wildly potent sex machine.
Operating Shockspot’s sex machines are done via either an optional wired remote control or by connecting any of them to a PC computer or laptop.
Yep, you read that right; though app-controllable sex toys seem to be the wave of the future, this manufacturer bucks that trend by fitting their products with hardwired controls.
When you think of it, it is not such a bad idea.
For starters, it is very unlikely you or anyone else will be so far removed from a shockspot sex machine that using a smartphone app is the best course of action.
In all fairness, having a cable connected to any of them eliminates the possibility of long-distance, teledildonic play sessions.
To make it easy to tweak nearly everything about the Shockspot’s eight-inch sex machine, the company has released its own Touch and Feel software that comes with a set of pre-programmed “scenes” with enticing titles such as “Slow Long and Easy,” “A Stranger in Town,” and “The Buildup.”
Each is carefully crafted to produce an arousing and decidedly thrilling combo of thrusts and strokes.
Unfolded, as when stored or transported from one place to another, the Shockspot Sex Machine 8 inch is sixteen and a half inches wide, twenty-two long, and five and a half tall.
At its maximum extension, it can extend all the way up to thirty inches. More than enough to reach even the thickest, tallest bed.
It also weighs upwards of twenty-four points, so though it does collapse down, it is not exactly an easily portable pleasure device.
Keeping a Shockspot sex machine up and running as well as putting it together in the first place, requires a bit of engineering know-how.
Though still easily accomplished by anyone with even the slightest experience with fitting bolts onto nuts or tightening screws.
Unfortunately, Shockspot’s eight-inch sex machine, as is the case with their other products as well, does not come with a lot.
So anything from your choice of attachable dildo to the sex machine’s remote control costs extra.
- Its raising and lowering mechanism is fantastic and extra comfortable to use
- Extraordinarily powerful motor
- Speed and power can be adjusted with a remote control or software running on a PC or laptop
- Remarkably heavy
- No way to use a smartphone app or wirelessly control it
- Dildos and other accessories are sold separately
- Cleaning and maintenance requires some engineering know-how
- Very expensive
5. KTM Enterprises Sneaky Pete
Aside from being commonly considered the most powerful pleasure devices money can buy, sex machines also have a long tradition of being a favorite among gifted amateurs and passionately professional erotic engineers.
This explains why mixed in with high-end, big company-produced models like Lovense’s Sex Machine and the Tremor Rock and Roll Sex Toy, you will see dozens, if not hundreds, of hand-crafted ones.
Getting us to our fifth and final entry in our list of the best sex machines, the Sneaky Pete from KTM Enterprises, the company name standing for “Ken’s Twisted Mind.”
Which Ken definitely is but in an extremely good way. Just look at his Sneaky Pete, an adjustable, 250 strokes-per-minute, phenomenally quiet sex machine.
Utilizing the same two pairs of support legs and tiltable main body found on several of our other sex machines, Ken’s is as comfortably portable as it is carefully designed and brilliantly engineered.
Another commonality it has with models like Lovense’s Sex Machine is that it uses the Vac-u-Lock attachment system.
Not to knock the other erotic hardware products on our list that do not use it, but it gives it the advantage of being usable with any dildo, stroker, or sex toy that is fitted with one.
This is a great feature lending credence to the old saying, “the more, the merrier.” At least when it comes to giving its users a huge selection of options to fool around with.
The Sneaky Pete’s legs stand seventeen inches tall and are a foot wide.
When assembled, it weighs an easily liftable fourteen pounds, so it is not so heavy that it cannot go with you on vacation. Just try explaining it to airport security when you travel.
The machine does not come with an attachable dildo, but the manufacturer’s site allows you to add a range of them to your order.
The same for a storage bag and a bunch of other sex machine goodies. But does include its remote speed adjuster.
Continuing the long-standing tradition of every sex toy having at least one feature we wish all the others would embrace, for no extra cost whatsoever, you can choose from a European 220V 50Hz, 240V 50Hz for Australia, or United States and Canada 120V 60Hz power supply.
Which eliminates the need for an adapter and lets countries other than the US of A get in on the fun.
- Portable option for sex machine play
- Uses Vac-u-Lock system
- Multi-country power supplies available
- Fast stroke rate
- Well-designed and manufactured
- Does not come with a lot of extras
- Its tiltable shaft takes some getting used to
- Not as powerful or flexible as other sex machines
How to pick the perfect sex machine
When choosing which of our five sex machines might be the best for you, at the top is most probably how and where you intend to use it.
By how we mean if you prefer faster or firmer strokes, like a wired versus wireless controller, or want a more or less adjustable model.
Regarding where, the question is if you are looking for a portable one or something that will stay right where you put it, as well as if your bed is higher or lower off the floor.
Not forgetting other considerations like cost, ease of maintenance, and whether or not it is important to you whether or not whoever makes your sex machine is made by a highly-regarded sex tech company or a smaller, more singularly dedicated manufacturer.
Whatever your criteria, please limit your choices to sex machines like the ones we have listed here.
Because though it might be tempting to save a few bucks, there is a huge difference between affordability and cheapness, especially when you are talking about a fast-moving piece of machinery that is going in and out of your favorite orifice.
Of all the sex machines to keep referencing James Brown to get on up with, we have selected Lovense as the one most worthy of shaking your money maker.
Though we have to slap a few well-deserved kudos on our other contenders.
Like how Shockspot’s line is easily the best when it comes to adjustability, Hismith takes the cake when it comes to delivering the fastest and particularly arousing strokes per minute; nothing comes close to how comfortable the Tremor Rock and Roll Sex Toy feels, and how portable the Sneaky Pete can be.
However, Lovense manages to outdo them all by creating a sex machine that is fast, strong, easy to assemble to disassemble, and not at all challenging to oil and maintain while doing all this and more and still take full advantage of their smart sextech brilliance.
Already what deservedly sets them apart from most of their competition, the fine control offered by the Lovense Remote smartphone app is especially crucial when playing around with a piece of equipment intentionally built to move very fast and very forcefully.
Besides, their app also gives their Sex Machine a million other possibilities to fool around with than merely going faster, slower, longer, or shorter.
Possibilities which, more than anything else, could make their Sex Machine, as James Brown said so well, just the thing for moving and doing you!